Sickness & People

 The past 2 weeks I have been so poorly I don’t think I have ever been this sick in my life! Just before Christmas weekend I thought I must have a cold as I had the usual shivers, headaches and tiredness. Then a by some miracle I felt great on Christmas Eve & day, to be honest it much of been all the excitement of the day. 

Boxing Day I started to feel a bit crap again and tried to sleep it off. Woke up Wednesday and forced myself to go work. I knew I wasn’t 100% but I pushed through the day. Whilst at work I didn’t eat anything though, it was as if my appetite had gone for that day. Thursday I struggled to keep myself awake & Friday I worked from home but just about managed through the day! The weekend came and that’s when everything just hit me like a ton of bricks. It started off slowly so it would be an ache first, then a dry cough and then a fever! My New Years Eve was me on the sofa in my pj’s sleeping until 11.55pm just so that I could see the NY fireworks as I didn’t want to miss them. On New Years Day I woke up with such a high fever I couldn’t move. And since then it has been high fevers, coughing so much my body is actually aching. My coughing hurts so much I know cough like an old lady just so that I can minimise the pain it causes me. Headaches and body aches feel like I’ve been hit by a bus! The fatigue just doesn’t leave. 

I was so lucky that I got a doctors appt on Tuesday and it was my regular GP who spoke to me. Seeing as I have a problem with my lungs and chest already this infection has just multiplied those problems! So she gave me antibiotics which are working but just slowly. I am still having the fever here & there. The cough just doesn’t go and kinda feels like it’s stuck on my chest. The body aches & fatigue are there and taking there time to leave too. 

Honestly I don’t think I have ever been this sick that I can’t even do daily tasks like brush my teeth. I have to sit down to brush my teeth. I get so tired just from having a shower it’s amazing how this has wiped me out. 

But being ill has been great that I can actually watch movies I’ve never seen before. Catch up on the shows that I’ve been missing because I’m always either working or studying! It’s also gives me a lot of time to think which can be a dangerous thing.. 

As I said in my previous post this year albeit has started off a bit wobbly has actually already made me start to look at things in ways I never would before. I always bend over backwards to check in with everyone whether it’s family or friends. I do that because I always want to make sure that they are ok but you know what people don’t ever check in with me! I have had messages from my usual family members & friends but the ones that you think they will check in don’t and haven’t. So I’m thinking to myself that I’m going to stop bothering with those people. Why on earth should I be always going out my way to make sure everyone is ok when no one truly cares if I am?!  

Checking in doesn’t always mean that the other person wants sympathy for being ill. Your ill and there is nothing you can do about that but just be kind. It’s like you think we are meant to be family or suppose to be anyways and you can’t be bothered to drop a message. It’s amazing how much people will bad mouth your character for being who you are as a nice person but then act nasty themselves! 

I think when you’re unwell, or going through stuff your perception of things always changes. Your view on how you see things make you realise who is truly there for you at the end of the day! 

I just can’t wait to start to feel like myself again and get out of the house! But for now it’s past my bedtime and that’s enough deep thoughts for one night! 

Bye Bye 2023

 I always use to write a blog and the end of the year to highlight how my year has been. I sometimes am in awe with myself that I have been blogging for 10+ years and honestly I don’t know where that time has gone. I used to be such an avid blogger I guess life really is different in your 20’s.. I still try to blog when I can amongst other things but life has just taken over and I don’t even know in which capacity. 

Today I thought I will take some time out and actually blog. Knowing me and my writing it will probably go off tangent with what I am actually trying to say but I will keep hard to keep on track with the year of 2023. 

I turned 30 this year at the beginning and what a way to kickstart 2023! I really struggled at the beginning of the year with my mental health and decided that some changes are needed. Soon after turning 30, I went for a job interview and was successful. It was a temp role and within a month I was given the opportunity to become permanent and honestly it was the best decision ever. I love where I work and at times it has been so tough I have questioned my mental capacity but I have such a strong support system of colleagues and friends at work that they have got me through it. 

Surprisingly this year I didn’t attend many weddings, I am aware that my in-laws did but sometimes I just couldn’t go due to work commitments or just unwell. This year I put all my focus on working and working on myself, I really focused on my mental health. I think I had the realisation that if I am treated with disrespect then I wont stand for it anymore. I really took myself out of the situation and looked at it from a different point of view. 

Again, I went sort off tangent and I will try to go back on track. This year has really put things in focus for me. Maybe turning 30 was just a turning point and the maturity that comes with makes you look at life so differently. I have had to make some hard decisions in terms of my health as that has been deteriorating so rapidly. My blood sugar has been at the highest and I just don’t know what to do about it. I have sever pains in my stomach which they don’t have an answer for. They still don’t know why my periods are bad and as usual I am waiting to be seen. So I have decided I am going to focus on the things I can control which is my career and my own self development. I am always told how to do things and I never listened when I was younger so then why did I change. But this year since I have turned 30 I just started to find old inner self and putting that energy forward. I have seen in the process that people get annoyed with me but frankly I don’t care. 

This year I done a mixture of things this year from day trips to Shrek’s Adventure Land to staycations. I was so fortunate that I was able to see the Cotsworld, Edinburgh, Manchester, Liverpool and Chester. Laughs were had, tears were shed but at the end of it all a good time was ultimately had. 

Chessington and Alton Towers were so much to go and see. It felt very nostalgic as it felt like I was kid again enjoying it all. We played so much crazy golf and bowling that I think as a family we are becoming experts. Cinema trips have been endless because the amount of great movies that I have come out this year has been incredible. I watched so many films and read so many great books that I will be carrying that through to 2024. 

This year has had some good times and bad times. We went to so many funerals at the beginning of the year honestly I didn’t know it was going to turn out. It has been year of tears but joys. So many new babies born but I have accepted my fate at the moment that I will be an auntie for a while before I become a mummy! I have started to realise that my health and my own happiness is comes first. For too long I let others expectations and there version of happiness control my narrative and future. When I put a stop to that everything changed and I started to write the chapters of my own book! 

I hope that I can keep this energy and self appreciation in to 2024 and for the future! I wish you all a Happy New Year and hope that 2024 brings you everything and more! Remember to be happy and be kind… 

Rocky Aur Rani Ki Prem Kahanni Review

I watched this movie twice in one month and honestly I have been pondering for a while what to write. I am actually obsessed with this movie hence why I watched it twice. I watched it the day it was relasied in cinema and then a few weeks later. 

Where do I even start? Karan Johar has made such a great comeback of Bollywood films with this movie. It has masala, it has passion, it has over the top dances and outfits. It has everything of a 90's/00's Bollywood movie with a balance of new age themes. I feel like as someone who has grown up watching and obsessing over Bollywood films that this film literally was exactly what was needed!

Karan Johar had selected such a great cast, with Alia Bhatt and Ranveer Singh as the main characters who have the greatest love story. Ranveer Singh Aka Rocky Randhawa is honestly the best character I have seen onscreen for a long time. He is so comical but such an emotional character. It was great to see a reversal in this movie where the male character wants to move forward in gteh relationship however the female character doesn't. The leaning and accepting of different cultures, faiths and traditions. 

The Punjabi boy getting with the Bengali girl shows the contrast of how different two faiths are in one country. That they can be so different yet there can be some similarities. That language barriers can be broke down if you really want to be with that person. The contrast of a wealthy boy and a young girl whose family are comfortable. How she isn't use to the way he does things in his house and he isn't use to the way things are done in her house. 

It touches and highlights issues that women face daily with the way men talk to them, disrespect them, sexualise them. Men just get to be these dominant people who just control women and use them as puppeteers. It shows generational changes and how we can change the way we think, the way we behave. There is no age limit for these types of changes it is just down to the person and if they are willing to make these changes. 

I don't want to ruin it for anyone if you haven't seen it yet. And if you haven't seen it then you need to get yourself to the cinema and watch it. You will laugh so much that your stomach will hurt, you will cry of sadness but joy. You will anger but also feel liberated! To be honest you will feel so much and it will be the best feeling! 

This movie for is a 10/10 and honestly I wish they would start making more movies like this moving forward! 

Materialistic People

 Materialistic people are actually the worst! Look do not get me wrong, I like my designer and nice things as much as the next person but the older you get the more you realise actually how much hard work goes in to these nice things. I am not going to divulge on a public platform my finances but let's just say that if I wanted to go on a mad shopping spree it could happen. However it wouldn't happen because firstly my husband is very stingy and secondly we have other things to prioritise before I start to go on my mad shopping spree.

My readers who actually take their time to read this are probably thinking oh its a house. They need to get a house well yeah it is that but also life is so damn expensive at the moment. It's like you open your eyes in the morning and it costs you. You take your first breath in the morning and it cost you. People who act like this cost of living isn't affecting them are kidding themselves and everyone around them. It is so easy to put a facade on that stuff doesn't get to you by getting all the materialistic things in the world but ultimately it is getting to everyone. 

I really hate people who will only talk or acknowledge your presence if you're driving the most fancy car or have a million pound house which is worthy in their eyes. It's like these things don't make you a person, in fact it's more interesting to see how you would be without the facade of materialist elements. 

I think that everyone aren't going to get along but you should respect each other without worrying how much they have in their bank account. Because frankly you truly don't know how much they have, a person could be dripped out in all designer and have nothing in their account. Compared to a person who may just have basic clothes on and have millions in their account. Appearances don't always necessarily deem someone's bank balance or assets value! 

When you are younger all you care about is appearances and you want the latest trends of fashion but you don't always want to acknowledge at what cost they come at. As you get older things start to take priority and other things become more important then the latest trends. People who just have an interest to communicate with you because they think you add some value to their lives aren't really people worth having around I guess. 

It's like I said in my previous blog post that you need to control your narrative and that includes the people that you add in to your life. You want to have people in your life that add value and make life more fun. Not people that you constantly have to keep impressing but that is now what the expectation is! 

Your Narrative

You know what I have been thinking a lot and probably thinking about writing every day but something always stops me. Today I have found that motivation I have been looking for! I don't know if it will be a really long post or a few short ones but put it this way my fingers were itching to get on the Mac and starting typing away. 

Recently things have been happening and they are starting to put things in to perspective for me. I am very loud about mental health and an advocate for counselling. I started therapy at the beginning of this year and it didn't work out the way I thought. I started work and thought to myself I should utilise the therapist that we have at work. I didn't do it because shit was bad, I started talking to her because I felt lost. We had six sessions and the perspective I have gained from those sessions has been so enlightening. It feels like the 'old Nav' inside of me has woken up. She is trying to break through from this mould that has been created by others for the type of person I should be. 

One realisation out of the many that I have had is that no one can change your narrative of your life story. They can try and they can try to acknowledge that you didn't do something or you didn't do it the way that you thought but ultimately they can't actually take the truth away from you. Recently so many people have said things to me and I stop think about it. I think to myself why are you trying to change my narrative to make yours look better? 

I look back at my life and I think I have been through a lot. I have experienced a lot some of it good and some of it bad. But at the end of it all I am Still Standing! It is like people forget that you have done something that has some sort of link to their life. It is as if they need to make you look in a bad light to make themeless and others look good. 

When this use to happen to me I would let them change the narrative or perhaps even just dismiss what they were saying because I couldn't be bothered with the fact that people would use me and my life situations to make themselves look good. But now I am like, you can't do that. You can't take my narrative away from me to make yourself or others be good around you. 

I guess as life goes on and you get older you kinda realise what is important? Who is important? And why it is important? 

I guess no matter what happens you shouldn't ever lose your narrative! its your life story and you need to make sure your life is told the way you know it and not the way someone else wants you to! 

The unexpected parts of life Grief...

 Grief is so consuming and it creeps up on when you least expect. Like life is so unpredictable so is death we don’t see it coming but it just happens so quickly. It comes so unexpectedly and takes over everything that we know. I haven’t written in a while and truth be told it is hard to think of what to write but sometimes things just happen in life that need to be written down. 

I have heard of so many people passing this year and each passing that I have found out has shocked me because each death was so unexpected. It is already May and I have been to two funerals that have just been so hard to attend. Yesterday I didn’t know what to expect but I didn’t expect to cry as much as I did, I didn’t expect to feel so much sadness since I had heard about my husbands Pua (aunt) passing it has been so hard to process. I know that someone would expect to be like she is my husbands real aunt but to be honest in our cultural every close relative whether they are related or not are made in to a relationship. Those relationships become so close that when something happens whether that is sickness or even death it just shocks you so much.

 

These two funerals have been so hard, hearing about people passing has been so hard. You want to be there for the family but sometimes you don’t know how to be. You don’t know the right things to say or perhaps even do. You sit at the funerals just watching the families and it makes you start to think about your own family the passing of your family members. It brings back so much and the grief from all that just over washes you.

 

I think its just so crazy how one day someone is with you laughing and joking then next moment they aren’t. This is a deep thought for a Friday but the past two weeks have been so rough that I guess I hadn’t realised how much it would’ve affected me. It was hard to process but now that we have laid her to rest and I know she is getting peace it makes things feel abit more calmer. The pain doesn’t ever go but you just find a way to deal with it and live on with their memory. 

End of a Decade.. Bye Bye 20's

 Today is my last official day of being in my 20's and tomorrow I turn the ripe old age of 30 years old. I share everything with you wonderful readers so am going to share this pivotal moment in my life too. Recently I have really been thinking about the last 10 years and everything that has been achieved in my 20's. 

When I turned 20 honestly it was amazing and the beginning of my 20's was incredible. I experienced so much of life. I finished education as soon as I came in to my 20's and that was such a pivotal moment. It was like all my life I had spent in education, there was that routine of getting up and learning to then just floating and trying to find my feet. Let me tell you that I still haven't found my feet, I am still guessing myself as to where I want to work, what career would I like? Where do I see my life path going? When I was younger I thought that I would have my life figured out by the time I was in my late 20s and now I am out of that I still don't feel like I have anything figured out at all. 

20 year old of me would of been so scared that I didn't have my life together at this age but honestly I am actually so happy to be embracing my 30's. I actually am so excited for the things that I have been planned and for the future ideas that I have brewing. I pray that they all fortify and become in to something so amazing. 

I thought that when you hit your 30s that your life would all be figured out but it is not and let me tell you something it never is. Even people who look like they have life figured out they actually don't they just let on that they do. So advice I would give to my younger self is don't freak out, plans don't always work out but everything and I mean everything happens for a reason. 

So here are the top 29 things that have happened or I have learned in my 20's: 

1. I went to a private university and obtained a degree in just under 2 years instead of 3. 
2. I met one of my best friends at university and ten years later we are still as close as ever. 
3. I got married which was an experience in itself. 
4. I put myself out there and started making my self more present on social media. 
5. I learned that grief can really shape the type of person you are.
6. That true family and friends will stick with you no matter what happens in life. 
7. I got my first tattoo. 
8. I dyed my hair blonde and loved every minute of it. 
9. I went to so many festivals and concerts. 
10. Travelled to Australia, Bali, Canada, India and that is just the start of my travel journey. 
11. Met so many people some who changed my life and others who made me learn a lot 
12. Went on some great road trips with my bestie and friends 
13. Learned how important my health really is when it constantly was turning point for me as the years went by 
14. Had many firsts, got my first job, first experience of finding love, first experience of learning to be by myself 
15. Putting my social media content out there for everyone to see and actually gaining positive feedback 
16. Got my wonderful car the a BMW 1 series and haven't ever been able to replace it since its been gone. 
17. I had so much fun interning at a magazine and if I could do it again I would in a heartbeat 
18. Went to India and worked which was an experience in a good and bad way but all worth it 
19. Went to see so many new places in England that I never would've before (thank you Covid) 
20. Gained some new family and friends along the way that are here for life. 
21. Saw Michael McIntyre live and was on TV 
22. Played so much mini golf and honestly getting better at it 
23. Went to see so many zoos, day trips 
24. Went to Royal Ascot for the first time ever 
25. Learnt so much about traditions at weddings due to my in-laws having at least minimum 3 wedding a year that has a lot of preparation in to them 
26. Went Winter Wonderland so many times from 20 years old - to present 
27. Went to The Ritz for Afternoon Tea 
28. Went to the Shard endless times 
29. Went to a chiropractor which was a first! 

That list was a lot harder than I had anticipated and to be honest I have probably missed out so much but a decade is really hard to cover in one blog post. But here it is my last ten years in a nutshell. 

Here are some pics to showcase the fun that I have been having: