Painful Living

 As I lay here in bed tossing and turning failing to fall asleep. I think to myself you know what I wish my illnesses weren’t chronic and internal that they were physical. That people could actually see the pain I am in day in and day out. I feel like just because I don’t walk with a walking stick my illnesses in peoples eyes are invalid. 

It’s like you don’t realise how much these illnesses affect my day to day life. I’ve had to cancel so many plans with people Becuase of them. My headaches and migraines have been the worst this year compared to any. My legs have been feeling so tight and painful that I just don’t know what to do. I can’t even walk sometimes because they are getting so tight I can’t put weight on them. People see me rushing around and doing everything but that comes at a price. If I walk a bit too quickly in the day by the evening my legs will swell and be so painful I won’t be able to sleep. And to be honest that’s what’s happened today, my head has been aching and then my legs just stopped working basically. I had to force myself upstairs and as I’m in so much pain I can’t sleep. 

I take medication for it all and it helps but sometimes you just get bad days. I feel so sorry for everyone around me because I have to disturb their sleep and wake them up just so that they can massage my legs to get the blood flowing and the pain to ease. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn’t. 

It’s so frustrating the impact this has in my daily life but also my mental health. It’s so annoying when I want to go do something but can’t because I know the severity of pain that I am in! 

It’s like yes I’m 29yrs old and I have these illnesses but that’s just my life. I accept it and to be honest I adapt my day to day around it. This week has been a very hard week for my overall. Mentally and physically I feel burnt out. Last week was emotionally challenging as there was some family issues going on that just kept bringing me down. And I look at everything, think to myself how do I keep going? How have I just not given up yet? I don’t know what my body is made out of and no matter how much I push it sometimes it just needs a break! 

So next time you see someone and you think they have an easy life stop and be kind! Because honestly you don’t know what that person is going through!