A Timeline of my Weekend - Hen Party Fun with twist of Period Tragedy...

This weekend I went away for a hen weekend. And like all hen weekends it was planned in advance and it was something I had been looking forward to for a while. It was also the first time I was ever going away with my husband’s cousins. I’ve been married nearly 8 years and this was the first time that I was going away with his cousin sisters. In the past the girls have got married but none of the girls have had done a hen weekend like this so I was looking forward to it.

Honestly it was so great and I laughed so much. To be honest a hen weekend is such a great time to get together. You get dressed up and let your hair down. It was all that and more. I hadn’t had alcohol in over a year so I really wanted to enjoy myself with a couple of glasses of Prosecco & then we made cocktails so got to enjoy them and it was a really lovely experience. 

However, I guess my excitement of the weekend had to be ruined in some capacity. I got my period! And you’re all probably reading that and thinking what’s the big deal we all get them. Well for me it is a big deal & it affects me in so many ways. If you have read my earlier blog posts you would know my struggles with them. But if you haven’t let explain about what happens and how it made me feel in this situation.

I came off the pill for good end of last year as we are trying for a family. Now we have been down this road before but in the past it was different. In the past I would go back on the pill with the doctors advice as they wanted to understand why I bled so heavily when my period started. I have always had a heavy bleed but it’s nothing compared to what I get now. My bleed is so heavy now that I soak through the pad on to my underwear. I have to wear the highest strength pad doubled up & still I will bleed through. In the past it would come on like this & I would be back on the pill and I believed it was God’s plan. It wasn’t my time then to have a kid. I hadn’t checked off my tick list I accepted it. As a type 1 diabetic my blood sugar wasn’t were it needed to be and I was on really strong painkillers that would’ve affected my pregnancy anyways. So I accepted this. For the past 4 years or so this is what has been happening. It comes on heavy and I go back on the pill. 

Anyways fast forward to now 2025. As soon as I came off the pill in December 2024, I had a period and honestly it was minimal and fine. So I was expecting to start beginning of Jan it didn’t happen. So I just thought it’s irregular it won’t happen this month. I started on Friday before I left for my trip. It was like my previous period nothing was happening. And within my 1hour plus drive it’s like the gateway had open and I was gushing. I still pushed it to the back of my mind as I really wanted to enjoy myself. I kept getting involved in the fun around me but my mind was elsewhere. I kept checking the sofa when I stood up, I was going to the toilet calculating my next pad change. We went to sleep and I prayed for it to be better the next day. 

I woke up at 5am and was dreading going to the toilet so fell back asleep. I knew at 7am that I would have to get up. I rushed to the toilet and it was like scene from a blood bath. When I see that it always take me back to the first time it happened and I was such a state as there was blood everywhere. I started to check the toilet and all around me. I could see that the blood had got on to my pyjama bottoms but in that moment all I wanted to do was just go home. I sorted myself out and went back to bed and just cried. I was sharing a room with my two sister in laws & didn’t want to disturb them or for them to see me like this so just cried silently. Once everyone was up, I had decided to tell them both that I was probably going to back home today. I didn’t feel myself nor did I feel comfortable to be there. I still tried to put it all behind me, and got ready. 

Even once we were ready the fear of sitting was just getting to me too much! I thought I need to tell one of the sisters who organised it what’s happening. She was like you do what’s best for you. If you need to go at any point then just leave. I felt so supported. We all got back together as I group and I realised that I would need to move my car as I was blocked in if I wanted to leave. I asked another one of the sisters if she could move and as soon as she asked me what’s up. I just broke down crying and I just couldn’t take it anymore. The stress of it all,the emotions the distraught that just meant I wasn’t pregnant just all got to me. 

I knew there and then that I would probably need to go home soon. I didn’t want to cause a scene or make a drama because it wasn’t about me so tried to shield myself from anyone else who would see me crying! We went out and honestly just drinking and being around good company I tried not to think about it. I did keep sticking to my toilet time and even then I was like trying to keep not thinking about it. I ignored what was on my pad and was like it will be ok. 

We had to come back earlier to the house we were staying. Me and my niece grabbed some food for everyone even then I was trying not to think about it. However once we got back I thought I better go and change my pad. As soon as went to the bathroom, the pad had been soaked and so was my underwear. I felt like I had wet myself. I quickly changed my underwear and packed my stuff up. I knew in that moment I needed to come home. 

I ate with everyone and then slipped out. I told my two sister in laws & one of the sisters that I was going. I felt and still do feel rubbish that I left earlier and not only that this had consumed me all weekend. I made sure that I could be present for the bride to be no matter though how I felt and stayed until truly I knew I could leave without missing anything. 

So here goes with all the questions running through your head because trust me I get asked plenty. I have been investigated twice with the relevant team and nope they can’t find anything wrong. They can’t even find the PCOS they had diagnosed  me many moons ago. My scans are all clear so they don’t know why it happens. Regarding pregnancy there is no reason as to why I am not falling pregnant from a biological point of view. Apart from the diabetes they can’t see why it isn’t happening. They have said you need to give your body the time to go through this and see what happens. 

Why not just have IVF? Well firstly if they can’t find anything wrong they want me to try naturally. Secondly right now I wouldn’t be able to put myself or my body through that. Thirdly it’s no one’s bloody business what I do or if I should do it.. 

It hits me really hard when I go through all this. However though this time is different  this time it hit me to my core. Because this time all my pre period symptoms were those of that being pregnant. I truly believed I was pregnant and before I could test this happens and it broke something in me. I always believed that god has a plan and that your destiny is already written for you. But right now I can’t seem to believe in god or his plan. When this has happened in the past I always able to get over this feeling in essence as I knew I wasn’t where I said I always wanted to be in life before I had or even tried for kids. But for the first time I am exactly where I want to be. Everything I wanted has been ticked off my list and actually feel so ready so I believed it would happen. 

I know that there will be struggles and I have to find my own coping mechanism. But it doesn’t mean that it hurts any less when that period comes. I just wish people wouldn’t ask me. The stigma around being married and not having a kid is so strong that it breaks me a little every time I get asked. I was at a party and I got told several times how I should have a kid? And I have been married long enough (7 years) that I should have a kid by now. And I think if only you knew my struggles you would see how I would want that more than anything!! 

So here is a pic of me from the weekend - you can all see the smile and happiness. But truly inside & deep down there is fear, sadness, embarrassment, anxiety all mixed in to one! 

2025 - the year for more writing

I’ve realised that writing is more thing than talking in to the camera completely unscripted. Yes I am talking about the world of TikTok. I’m terrible at it, I always forget to post my day or some important video.. so I had a realisation that I should just stick to what I know and that is writing! 

Don’t worry I’m not setting my make up brushes down just yet. For all my few but very faithful followers those transitions videos will still be happening. 

So whilst driving today I have decided that I am going to (try) and write more blogs. I use to do it all the time and then I guess I just couldn’t be bothered, life got complicated perhaps. I really don’t know what the cause was but I want to try again. 

I don’t have a resolution for 2025 because guess what.. and you’ve probably guessed it correctly I won’t stick to it. So it’s more a promise to myself to focus on the things I enjoy and if along the way something comes out of then great if not then I can carry on doing what I love! 

I have some topics which I have been aching to talk about but I don’t know why filming myself and talking about it doesn’t feel right. I mean I did a couple of videos and one predominant one is where I talk about my health struggles but I never really stayed constant with that.. 

So today I can feel my creative juices coming alive & with that comes some great topics to discuss & just a general picture of where I am in my life! 

I hope you enjoy reading the blogs and for all of you that follow my socials thank you! It’s truly appreciated when someone comes up to me and says how great it is to watch a video that I’ve created. I will try to do more but let’s be honest it may take me awhile! 

So until the those videos don't start becoming regular why not have read of all the random NONSENSE that I have to write about it!

Baby Reindeer Review

 How could I not be discussing about the biggest show that has hit the UK in the past few weeks?!? 

Yes you have guessed correctly - Baby Reindeer! This show has been sitting at the most watched No.1 show I feel like for the past few weeks. You can't go on to Netflix without at least seeing the Title name pop up or the trailer. 

I was going to hold off on watching it as I felt that I had experienced watching it all via TikTok but then that interview came out with the 'real life Martha' on Piers Morgan. I thought to myself that I really do need to watch it properly and instead of the 2/3 minute clips that have been popping up on my TikTok. 

This weekend I gave myself a whole evening to binge watch this show. To be honest the shows are around 30 minutes long and I think there are 7 episodes so it was easily done. I settled down and started to prepare myself of the show and to see what happened with Richard Gadd and his 'stalker' Martha. 

As soon as I started to watch the show what captured my attention is how closely the voices matched for the Martha in the show and the Martha in real life. It was eerie at how similar they both sounded. I watched the show and you can see that throughout it there are some sort of problems with Martha. She seems like she is confident but I don't think that she is. I think she has created this persona of a world that suites her. For her to make up a story or scenario just rolls of her tongue. It is like when you start making up stories for children you say things that you know will want to keep them safe. She does the same thing, she says things that she knows will keep her safe. 

As many problems as Martha has, I feel like Richard Gadd didn't help in the situation. He was feeling low and in a negative space that he used this attention he was receiving from her to his own personal verficiation. He had many opportunities to report her but he waited six months until he did. She was sending him thousands of communication in a day and he even went on to assault him. He still waited! 

His whole thought process behind it all doesnt make any sense. So many things happen to him throughout the serious of these 2/3years and he still keeps going back to Martha in some way. Whether that's checking her emails or listening to her voicemails he needs some sort of verification that she is still in her life. It was interesting to watch the show and for him to express how he processed things and why he did what he did. It all seems very confusion as a viewer as you're trying to understand why he made the moves that he did. 

Baby Reindeer is probably one of the weirdest shows that I have seen in a while. I feel like I have more answers about what I watched then actually understanding why it even happened. 

If you haven't seen Baby Reindeer yet I would recommend that you watch it and I can understand all the hype around it. Baby Reindeer is available to watch on Netflix. 

Heeramandi Review

 Over the past few days I finally took some time out and watched Heeramandi. I was so excited for this to release on Netflix as I had been following the anticipated release of the show since they had announced that it would be coming out. 

As it is a Sanjay Leela Bhansali production you just knew that the bar would be high of what he would have created. He always knows how to tackle these period dramas whether that is through a film and now a TV show. 

A quick overview of the show without any spoilers it is set pre partition and in the district of Lahore which is known as Heeramandi, During those times it was a reputable place that was visited with the likes of nawabs, it had a essence of royalty about it. They weren't seen as prostittues as they would be in today's era. They were seen as women with class, high mannerisms and an aura of authority. Sanjay Leela Bhansali ensured that all those things were showcased throughout the show. As the audience you could understand the level of power these women had, the way they held themselves with grace and elegance. They were regal and were so powerful.

You watch some shows and you just forget about them, the storyline doesn't stick or the characters aren't anything that are amazing. This show isn't anything like this, this show sticks with you, the story sticks with you and the characters most defiantly stick with you! You feel what they feel, you can understand the pain they go through the suffering and embarrassment  that they had to face. 

This show has such an incredible force of a female ensemble cast that works so well together. They hold the show together, there balance of different characters, emotions and acting expertise makes them such a great cast to watch. There is such a mix of talent and years of acting experience within the show. The main female cast consists of Manisha Koirala, Sonakshi Sinha, Aditi Rao Hydari, Richa Chadha, Sanjeeda Sheikh and Sharmin Regal Mehta. 

Not only did they have such powerful dialogues which they all acted out so perfectly. The outfits and the jewellery were so amazing. Every outfit complemented the actress so perfectly. The jewels and outfits that they were adorned in where so beautiful it just made there beauty stand out more. 

I don't want to give too much away as I do want you all to watch it because it shows such a powerful time in the history of a country that has already been so much. It shows how much everyone lost during that time and the revoloution that they were fighting off. That we didn't see off and we haven't even heard of. The fights that these women were having for the revolution and what they stood for!

Sanjay Leela Bhansali has done it again and for me this is defiantly a 10/10! 

You can watch Heermandi on Netflix. 

Sickness & People

 The past 2 weeks I have been so poorly I don’t think I have ever been this sick in my life! Just before Christmas weekend I thought I must have a cold as I had the usual shivers, headaches and tiredness. Then a by some miracle I felt great on Christmas Eve & day, to be honest it much of been all the excitement of the day. 

Boxing Day I started to feel a bit crap again and tried to sleep it off. Woke up Wednesday and forced myself to go work. I knew I wasn’t 100% but I pushed through the day. Whilst at work I didn’t eat anything though, it was as if my appetite had gone for that day. Thursday I struggled to keep myself awake & Friday I worked from home but just about managed through the day! The weekend came and that’s when everything just hit me like a ton of bricks. It started off slowly so it would be an ache first, then a dry cough and then a fever! My New Years Eve was me on the sofa in my pj’s sleeping until 11.55pm just so that I could see the NY fireworks as I didn’t want to miss them. On New Years Day I woke up with such a high fever I couldn’t move. And since then it has been high fevers, coughing so much my body is actually aching. My coughing hurts so much I know cough like an old lady just so that I can minimise the pain it causes me. Headaches and body aches feel like I’ve been hit by a bus! The fatigue just doesn’t leave. 

I was so lucky that I got a doctors appt on Tuesday and it was my regular GP who spoke to me. Seeing as I have a problem with my lungs and chest already this infection has just multiplied those problems! So she gave me antibiotics which are working but just slowly. I am still having the fever here & there. The cough just doesn’t go and kinda feels like it’s stuck on my chest. The body aches & fatigue are there and taking there time to leave too. 

Honestly I don’t think I have ever been this sick that I can’t even do daily tasks like brush my teeth. I have to sit down to brush my teeth. I get so tired just from having a shower it’s amazing how this has wiped me out. 

But being ill has been great that I can actually watch movies I’ve never seen before. Catch up on the shows that I’ve been missing because I’m always either working or studying! It’s also gives me a lot of time to think which can be a dangerous thing.. 

As I said in my previous post this year albeit has started off a bit wobbly has actually already made me start to look at things in ways I never would before. I always bend over backwards to check in with everyone whether it’s family or friends. I do that because I always want to make sure that they are ok but you know what people don’t ever check in with me! I have had messages from my usual family members & friends but the ones that you think they will check in don’t and haven’t. So I’m thinking to myself that I’m going to stop bothering with those people. Why on earth should I be always going out my way to make sure everyone is ok when no one truly cares if I am?!  

Checking in doesn’t always mean that the other person wants sympathy for being ill. Your ill and there is nothing you can do about that but just be kind. It’s like you think we are meant to be family or suppose to be anyways and you can’t be bothered to drop a message. It’s amazing how much people will bad mouth your character for being who you are as a nice person but then act nasty themselves! 

I think when you’re unwell, or going through stuff your perception of things always changes. Your view on how you see things make you realise who is truly there for you at the end of the day! 

I just can’t wait to start to feel like myself again and get out of the house! But for now it’s past my bedtime and that’s enough deep thoughts for one night! 

Bye Bye 2023

 I always use to write a blog and the end of the year to highlight how my year has been. I sometimes am in awe with myself that I have been blogging for 10+ years and honestly I don’t know where that time has gone. I used to be such an avid blogger I guess life really is different in your 20’s.. I still try to blog when I can amongst other things but life has just taken over and I don’t even know in which capacity. 

Today I thought I will take some time out and actually blog. Knowing me and my writing it will probably go off tangent with what I am actually trying to say but I will keep hard to keep on track with the year of 2023. 

I turned 30 this year at the beginning and what a way to kickstart 2023! I really struggled at the beginning of the year with my mental health and decided that some changes are needed. Soon after turning 30, I went for a job interview and was successful. It was a temp role and within a month I was given the opportunity to become permanent and honestly it was the best decision ever. I love where I work and at times it has been so tough I have questioned my mental capacity but I have such a strong support system of colleagues and friends at work that they have got me through it. 

Surprisingly this year I didn’t attend many weddings, I am aware that my in-laws did but sometimes I just couldn’t go due to work commitments or just unwell. This year I put all my focus on working and working on myself, I really focused on my mental health. I think I had the realisation that if I am treated with disrespect then I wont stand for it anymore. I really took myself out of the situation and looked at it from a different point of view. 

Again, I went sort off tangent and I will try to go back on track. This year has really put things in focus for me. Maybe turning 30 was just a turning point and the maturity that comes with makes you look at life so differently. I have had to make some hard decisions in terms of my health as that has been deteriorating so rapidly. My blood sugar has been at the highest and I just don’t know what to do about it. I have sever pains in my stomach which they don’t have an answer for. They still don’t know why my periods are bad and as usual I am waiting to be seen. So I have decided I am going to focus on the things I can control which is my career and my own self development. I am always told how to do things and I never listened when I was younger so then why did I change. But this year since I have turned 30 I just started to find old inner self and putting that energy forward. I have seen in the process that people get annoyed with me but frankly I don’t care. 

This year I done a mixture of things this year from day trips to Shrek’s Adventure Land to staycations. I was so fortunate that I was able to see the Cotsworld, Edinburgh, Manchester, Liverpool and Chester. Laughs were had, tears were shed but at the end of it all a good time was ultimately had. 

Chessington and Alton Towers were so much to go and see. It felt very nostalgic as it felt like I was kid again enjoying it all. We played so much crazy golf and bowling that I think as a family we are becoming experts. Cinema trips have been endless because the amount of great movies that I have come out this year has been incredible. I watched so many films and read so many great books that I will be carrying that through to 2024. 

This year has had some good times and bad times. We went to so many funerals at the beginning of the year honestly I didn’t know it was going to turn out. It has been year of tears but joys. So many new babies born but I have accepted my fate at the moment that I will be an auntie for a while before I become a mummy! I have started to realise that my health and my own happiness is comes first. For too long I let others expectations and there version of happiness control my narrative and future. When I put a stop to that everything changed and I started to write the chapters of my own book! 

I hope that I can keep this energy and self appreciation in to 2024 and for the future! I wish you all a Happy New Year and hope that 2024 brings you everything and more! Remember to be happy and be kind… 

Rocky Aur Rani Ki Prem Kahanni Review

I watched this movie twice in one month and honestly I have been pondering for a while what to write. I am actually obsessed with this movie hence why I watched it twice. I watched it the day it was relasied in cinema and then a few weeks later. 

Where do I even start? Karan Johar has made such a great comeback of Bollywood films with this movie. It has masala, it has passion, it has over the top dances and outfits. It has everything of a 90's/00's Bollywood movie with a balance of new age themes. I feel like as someone who has grown up watching and obsessing over Bollywood films that this film literally was exactly what was needed!

Karan Johar had selected such a great cast, with Alia Bhatt and Ranveer Singh as the main characters who have the greatest love story. Ranveer Singh Aka Rocky Randhawa is honestly the best character I have seen onscreen for a long time. He is so comical but such an emotional character. It was great to see a reversal in this movie where the male character wants to move forward in gteh relationship however the female character doesn't. The leaning and accepting of different cultures, faiths and traditions. 

The Punjabi boy getting with the Bengali girl shows the contrast of how different two faiths are in one country. That they can be so different yet there can be some similarities. That language barriers can be broke down if you really want to be with that person. The contrast of a wealthy boy and a young girl whose family are comfortable. How she isn't use to the way he does things in his house and he isn't use to the way things are done in her house. 

It touches and highlights issues that women face daily with the way men talk to them, disrespect them, sexualise them. Men just get to be these dominant people who just control women and use them as puppeteers. It shows generational changes and how we can change the way we think, the way we behave. There is no age limit for these types of changes it is just down to the person and if they are willing to make these changes. 

I don't want to ruin it for anyone if you haven't seen it yet. And if you haven't seen it then you need to get yourself to the cinema and watch it. You will laugh so much that your stomach will hurt, you will cry of sadness but joy. You will anger but also feel liberated! To be honest you will feel so much and it will be the best feeling! 

This movie for is a 10/10 and honestly I wish they would start making more movies like this moving forward!