Child and Childless - Why make me feel inadequate for my decisions?

 You get to a stage in your life that all you hear about is engagements, weddings, pregnancy announcements - you get the gist of what I am trying to say. I think if I wasn't married or in a committed relationship then perhaps peoples engagements would bother me. 

However I am in a relationship so you can probably guess what my next sentence is. I don't get bothered by pregnancy announcements but they use to really hurt especially when I started going through all this with my periods a few years ago. As you are aware the period issues are still there but I have just had to accept this and that not getting pregnant at the moment isn't on the cards. 

To be honest that you kinda just acknowledge and move on. But it is how people treat you, that I feel impacts you more than anything. I think this where you start to notice differences between your family and your partners family. Upbringings and just how people deal with situations that perhaps they don't feel comfortable with. 

I don't know if people do this knowingly or unknowingly but still it shouldn't really happen. I will get to the point of what I am trying to say and that is how different you get treated by people who have kids if you don't have one. I probably know more about kids and what they need as someone who doesn't have them compared to people who do have them. And that is because I come from a very fortunate family that any time anyone has had kids it has always been me that they have trusted to look after them. I look after and raise my nephew who literally comes to me sometimes before his own mother. I know what is needed for schools and PTA groups look like. I've done more pick ups and drop offs then I could even count that is because my family have always trusted me to be there go to person. The best part is my nephew and nieces love me so they love it when Auntie is at the school gate! 

More recently one of my sister in laws got married on my husband's side and during the wedding I was the go to Auntie to look after the most gorgeous little girl. Not once did my sister in law make me feel incompetent to look after her daughter or didn't trust me. I was actually crying to her when we left because she made me feel so valued in that moment as this little girls aunt. She will never know how much she made me feel seen in that moment. Honestly her, other family members they all do it without thinking but what they don't realise is how much love and respect they give me. 

I just think that it's so crazy how people form these groups of kids only parents and push you to side because you don't have one. I think that makes you feel worse because you feel like you're being sidelined for something that isn't your fault or out of your control. 

It is not only the little click's of the groups but also the comments of why aren't you having one. Why not go abroad and have IVF? I answer politely but what I really want to say is F*CK YOU and your opinion. No one cares for and nor do I care what you think I should do. It isn't your decision, it is  mine. I think it is so funny that my length of marriage determines if I should have a child or not. 

I don't know if having kids is in my future or if it is something that we even want anymore as the heartbreak and pain to get there is greater than actually achieving it. However it doesn't determine who I am as a person. Or what my relationship amounts to. I also think it's so funny how people can't accept if you don't want to have kids. I can have a great life with or without them. Having a healthy life is more important than trying to kill myself to bring another life in to this world! 

So for you people out there who are in a similar situation to me. Don't worry if you're being sidelined because you don't have a kid(s) just know your enough and your worth is everything! We will carry on with the people that matter in our lives and not the ones that just like to hang out with parents.... (if you know what I mean)! 

You think you know me....

I got the title of this blog post so easy but to write this post has been difficult. I bet you're all wondering what she going to write considering what the post title is. 

Well it's simple really. Everyone I come across always tends to have an opinion on me, my relationships especially the one with my husband. Don't get me wrong we all have opionions formed about everything but I don't think that we should pushing them on to people. 

People honestly believe that me and my husband suffer financially, that we can't afford to buy a house. That we probably don't have a very romantic relationship as we don't have kids. We put others before we put each other first. Not only just things about us as a couple but things about me. 

I think people assume that because I share a lot of things on my social pages and write this blog that I show all my cards to the person I am. I can truly say these don't even begin ton scratch the surface of how I am or the things that I have to deal with. I am a brutally honest person and there are so many things that I dont share or even write anything about. I would love to actually write how I feel about things or situations but I just know that people wouldn't really like what I have to write. As they don't like what to have to say when I say it in person. 

Anyways I am slightly digressing from what I am actually trying to write. I just think everyone seems me and think that they know everything about me. The truth is no one has ever tried to get to know the real me so if your opinion of me lets you sleep at night better then actually just talking to me that's great. But don't think that by saying things to my face is going to warrant a response that you would want or like. 

I try to stay out of lot of matters because frankly I don't want to get involved or even be bothered to talk about the topic. But if I do get involved it's because I can't stand saying things that are completely untrue. 

Moving forward I know people will have their opinions but just keep them to yourselves. And if you think that you throw your unwarranted opinions about me to me then why not actually do it to the people who do mean and horrible stuff. I think perhaps they are the ones that need to hear it more than me. 

 

Periods

For all you fellow readers and who have been following my journey for the past 5 years, you then know that my periods have been horrific. I always feel like I need to share the journey with you all and not because I love wiring about it but because I think it's really important to discuss women's femine health as it is not spoken about enough. 

Growing up having heavy periods was just normal. No one ever pushed to get it investigated, no one bothered to actually check why these problems are happening. I have always had heavy periods but it was the usual 5 days of what I considered a normal cycle. It wasn't until I was in my late teens/ early 20's that I actually realised that it wasn't normal. 

So you're all probably wondering what do I have to share this time round about my menstrual cycle? Well what is there not to say. It has been 6 weeks of being on and the last 4 of them were of heavy and very painful periods. I spent at least one week of it just in bed with painkillers and hot water bottles that did nothing. I have been to the doctors 4 times in the space of 2 weeks just so I can get some help. Honestly the first doctor I saw for my first few visits was so bad. She actually told me there was nothing that could be done. It was only when I told her what to prescribe me did she take some notice of what I was saying. The doctor I spoke to recently I told her that I had done my research and that the tablet that I am can be taken 3 times a day for heavy bleeding per a NHS website that she took me seriously. 

I have been referred to get an ultrasound done and even that was such a hassle to book. It amazes me how rude staff can be when you're just trying to get some help. It is like you're already feeling so vulnerable and scared to then have someone on the other side telling you that they can't really help. 

Having the heavy periods has been hard, having the painful periods has been hard. But not getting any help or advice has made this even more difficult. I know that health concerns are ignored and especially when it comes to women's health especially periods but it's like this shouldn't happen. 

I have had great experiences through the NHS. They were so quick to diagnose my diabetes. They helped me when I had stomach issues and that has been to check for IBS and gynaecology. But now or perhaps since Covid you just can't be seen for anything! 

I am also going private but still am following through with my NHS appointments. But its like its been such a long journey and to be honest I haven't got a straight answer in 5 years, I feel unlucky I will get one now!