Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Do you ever just feel like everything is just closing in on you? I know the opening of this is super morbid but last Monday an incident happened to me which then led me to have a panic attack. Let me tell you it was bloody scary, I haven't ever felt fear like that it honestly just felt like everything was closing in on me and I couldn't do anything about it. It was an out of body experience and it felt so fucking scary (excuse my language) but honestly it was terrifying. 

Last week was a horrible week for me, I felt so depressed and just couldn't get out of bed. I would wake up drop the little one off to school, come back sleep, wake up and to get him, sort him out and just get back in to bed. That one attack opened something inside me that the thought of just doing anything was terrifying. I didn't want to leave the comfort of my bed or the house as I just had this fear something would happen to me. I still don't feel 100% like me but this week I actually got up and made an effort and haven't lied in my bed yet! 

The frustration that I have is that people don't take mental health seriously and especially not in the South Asian community. They are like there is nothing wrong with you, you're fine. It is all a drama that you are doing. It makes me sad because pervious generations never dealt with their trauma or pains, suffered with their mental health problems and that then resulted in them being abusive or submissive in some way. I think it is so important to talk about it because if we don't then we don't what could happen. 

It isn't just the older generations that are dismissive of it so are the younger ones, people my age. When someone goes and commits suicide they like to make comments that oh they are weak that's why they did it. Its horrible to hear these comments and to hear peoples ignorance because your mental health can have such an impact on your physical health. It is like if you go in to hospital for a brain operation that can impact you so many ways so if something that physical can do it then imagine your mental health impact. Just because you can't see something doesn't mean that it isn't there. 

I think conversations need to happen. If someone says that they aren't feeling themselves then lets talk about it and understand why. Don't act like your problems are bigger in that moment because they truly aren't. I have had that happen to me so many times in the past and even in the present where I will try to express my feelings to only then be dismissed because my problems aren't worth listening to. It is very rare that I share my problems so if I have then there is a reason behind it. 

I come from a family where mental health is at the prominent of our lives. My grandfather in India who was such a intelligent man that he left the UK to go back to Punjab to be declared mad! He went through so much and frankly in my opinion he was just to damn clever for them and stupid people can always make the smartest person feel like stupid! It's actually insane how when your around stupid people long enough if the most intelligent person can lose their sanity. 

I love that my sister promotes good mental health to my nephew. His school promotes mental health they are told to talk about things, express things, say what they feel. It is so important to be able to do that instead of suppressing it and just expecting to be ok. 

I could write about this forever and forever but the bottom line is talk to someone. Just talk to anyone who you feel comfortable with. Because at the end of the day we all need someone to express our good and bad days with. For me well I feel ok for now. I still get paranoid to go out but that is just because of what happened to me put me in a sticky situation and I can't seem to get over it. But I am going out and trying to stay afloat instead of drowning!