For the last few weeks I have been having this thought about behaviour and what I mean is behaviour that is in a relationship. I have been married for 5 years but before that I had interaction with other guys and I remember one guy was really rude to me. I just took it, it was like I had this blindfold on that no matter what was happening it was ok. Then it happened again and I was like hold up this isn't normal and it isn't acceptable behaviour. I cut my losses and moved on which was the best thing.
I listen to other people interact with their partners especially those of an older generation and think to myself how can you think this is ok. That person is putting you down in their way and you letting them disrespect you. Like there is having a laugh and joke then their is just plain rude and that is when the line gets crossed.
I think to myself if you let someone disrespect you or talk rudely to you then how would they behave with others? How would they behave with your kids? Like they obviously will keep that pattern of rude behaviour on to them. It's like you may accept the flowers and apologises but doesn't mean that your kids or family members will. I always think behaviour that puts you down which is verbal is abuse as much as getting slapped across the face.
I hate when people say "well he didn't hit you did he" and its like that's not the point. Verbal abuse is just as bad physical if not worse because that is mentally affecting you. One thing I am very fortunate about is that when it comes to things like this me and my husband are on the same page. We have said if we ever felt that the other was abusing us verbally or we were becoming unhappy then we would just cut our losses because neither one of us should be in a relationship where the other isn't happy. People probably think I am insane for having these conversations with my husband but after what I have seen and heard growing up I think its imperative to have these conversations.
Moreover, if either one of us felt like that we aren't safe to be around when we have kids then that person would leave. Like I don't even have kids yet and I know that I would love those little things more then anything in this world. They would be number 1 for me and then it would be everyone so why would I not protect them? I get people in their heads believe that they should stay with their partners but as women or even as a parent you have brought these kids in to this world, you wanted them. They didn't ask to be born so why would you abandon them? Like it actually blows my mind when stuff like that happens and having been in situation where it resonates it makes me think about it more and more.
I look at my nephew and think to myself your not even mine biologically but if you were ever in a situatuon that you were unsafe in then I would do everything in my power to protect you. It's so simple when it comes to your kids they should be your whole world you do everything in this world to bring them here and then when they are here you shouldn't abandon them regardless of their ages or what they have done in their lives.
I grew up and I still do till today see the toxicness of Indian relationships. I hear the comments that they are just like that. That's how my mum told me to do it, they told me to stick it etc etc... and I just get so sick of it. You can't blame previous generations for you tolerating that behaviour, its your choice to accept that behaviour. Its your choice to believe that this behaviour is acceptable, being spoken down to is acceptable, being berated in public that is your choice. We all have choices and yeah it would be hard, of course it would but being happy should be the top priority. And I don't mean a version of happy that you think is happening. If we kept blaming our past generations for the mistakes we are making them we will forever be in this vicious circle of blaming others and not acknowledging our own views on accepting bad behaviour.
I actually think it was so powerful of people who had these teen marriages and got divorced. It's like my family members who knew that it wasn't working and were like however I do it I'm cutting out of this. I hear stories that people have been married for 20+ years and got divorced, I am like go you because you are thinking about your happiness. You are thinking about yourself and their is nothing wrong with that.
I honestly think that you can't blame your parents or your upbringing if you decide to stay with someone. You choose to stay with that person regardless of how they treat you. You choose to stay maybe because its easier, you don't want the stigma of being a "divorcee" or even that you just truly believe that is is true love and happiness. But whatever the reason for you to stay, I really truly believe that you should take a step back and just see how you a being treated as a person. Because at the end of the day life is short and we all deserve our slice of happiness.
