Past and Present Me

 Before marriage I was a completely different person. My writing would be different it would be more open. I wouldn't care what anyone thought about what I wrote. I would just write about anything and everything. But then I got married and all of sudden just became this conservative version of me. I wouldn't write how I use to. My blog became somewhere I would just vent and write anything that would upset me which was always something. It was a hard adjustment getting married. My idea of what marriage would be like and what it was, where two very different realities. 

My husband has always supported me and he is like "Nav you write what you want to write. Forget what everyone says and just be who you are." He hasn't ever told me otherwise and to be honest I think it has always been me subconsciously worried about what everyone in my in laws family would say about me. This kinda stems down to upbringing, like my mother has always kinda just passed on the "rules" of marriage from how her mother was. I don't agree with it and I don't believe that you have to just pass on these beliefs because that was what you are told. I was always told don't speak up to your inlaws you won't know what the consequences would be. I feel like I heard so much before ever getting hitched that subconsciously those thoughts just took over.

I then got married and everything just intensified. I started behaving in a way that wasn't me. I suppressed my voice. I am very vocal person and if someone has done me wrong then I won't ever hesitate to tell them that. But it's like all this stuff was happening to me, things were being said about me and I just shut my mouth. Why? Well its simple, I just didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't want to rock the boat and I just kept my mouth shut. It was easier for me to try and be this dutiful daughter in law which even then sometimes I felt like I wasn't. 

Then one day I just woke up and was like What the Fuck am I doing. Like this isn't me, this isn't who I am. Who am I trying to even please? It wasn't even working for me, it wasn't doing anything for anyone. I was getting more depressed and just finding it hard to be me. It was even starting to cause problems in my relationship because I couldn't be who I wanted to be. It was becoming more frustrating to find out who I was. 

So fast forward to the present and after going through a bag of emotions, drama, tears and basically everything in between. I think I am finally finding me, as the in the Me I was in the past mixed with the maturity I have now. I am not a kid anymore, for bloody hell sake I am going to be 30 next year and I have seen a lot. I have experienced a lot that which has made me the person I am. I am going to be vocal, I am going to be firm and damn well I am going to enjoy my life.

I don't want to wake up anymore feeling like I am not good enough. I am more then enough those people just can't handle because I may be too damn good for them! 

So piece of advice from a women who has been through the works.. keep true to yourself. No matter what happens just think about you because no one else will. You are your own biggest cheerleader in this world!