Relationships

Relationships are such a funny concept when you actually think about it. Your born in to a family that you don't really know some say that you actually choose your parents but I don't know if I actually necessarily believe that. I mean come on if I got to choose wouldn't I have chosen to born in to a royal family. You then grow up with these relationships of parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins. They then form in to your family extending and more people getting involved in to the family of sister in laws, brother in laws, nephews and nieces. It doesn't end there either because you then get married and depending on the size of your in laws family then that also becomes part of those relationships. 

Its even crazier for anyone who is part of an Indian family because you class all of your extended family as your first cousins basically so everyone just becomes on par. Then your cousins partners are actually your sister in laws and brother in laws. We give everyone the same status of relationships whether they are your sibling, first cousin or second cousin. When I was in school I use to find it so tough to explain this to all my friends. And that is when I had to start learning about first cousin, second cousins etc. We don't think like that in Indian families so for me that concept was really weird. 

I don't find it weird anymore and to be honest perhaps because I am older and actually understand how all these relationships works in term of how we see it and then how everyone else sees it. It doesn't just end their either because we have family friends who then call aunties and uncles. Because we don't call our relatives aunt or uncle we call them massi (mums sister), pua (dad's sister), Mammi (mums sis in law), mamma (mums brother), Chacha ( dads younger brother), Thaiya (dads older brother). And then their respective partners have a relationship name per how they are related to the individual. 

It is just insane how these relationships just keep extending and I find that since I have been married their is more expectation for me to uphold all these relations on my in laws side. I think as my husband is the eldest in his household and then like of of the eldest out of his cousins then I have the same time as the eldest daughter in law so there is some expectation behind that I am having to follow. At first I used to find it really frustrating have all this responsibility and expectation because I was still trying to find my place in the family but now its so natural. I just give everyone the respect they deserve. And like all families there are some people that will like you and some people that won't but you put a smile on your face and treat them all the same regardless. 

Another point to relationships is that from point of view in my family I am the middle child in my household and then the younger cousin out of all my cousins. I remember growing up the elder ones always made sure it was known they were the older ones. As time has gone on and I have gotten older I started realising the different between listening to them and respecting them. I think no matter what happens you always need to respect your older however you don't need to be pushed around for having an opinion. That motto is kinda what I stick with even now, like I have had many moments where people think that it is okay to perhaps disrespect me or talk down to due to them being "elder". At first I would just take the hit because I was like they are older and don't disrespect them but then I was like I am not here to be disrespected or spoken to rudely so I am going to stand up for myself and now I do just that! 

Rule of thumb... I honestly believe you should put yourself first because no one will look after you like you!!