“There is no normal way to grieve. Expect that we all do it.”
I don’t really know where to start with my post. My whole family always says emotions aren’t something I show easily. That I don’t just break down at every sad time or that I’m just built differently. It’s not that I’m some emotionless robot but I just process things differently I suppose.
In the past two weeks two days before Christmas my masser (uncle) passed away. It wasn’t sudden but also wasn’t expected either. He fell unwell and his body just couldn’t fight it anymore so he finally found peace and passed away. Yesterday was the funeral and like all funerals it was hard. You start to remember the person that he was, your memories from childhood. Growing up my mums side of the family was a strong unit. Every birthday, anniversary & family hangout was a celebration. It was also that house that hosted them. It was always my Masi & Masser who had the big get togethers and as time went on that all stopped. God took there biggest strength from them my cousin sister and things went dark. But then we all found the light again and started to get together as a family. The celebrations might not of been as big as they use to be but now someone was always hosting!
I have a lot of memories of my Masser which those of you who know him could honestly relate to a memory that I will share. I remember when I got diagnosed with diabetes my parents weren’t here but my Massi & masser were. My Masi came to the hospital to see me with my favourite food and I couldn't eat it there so she waited for me to come out of hospital. So the next day when I was discharge we went round to their house. My masser a man of very few words who never said much unless it was to complain about the British weather in a moment could see something that even I couldn't. Masi had my favourite food which was cauliflower and pork curry its a Malaysian dish and she cooked a lot of Malaysian food as that is where masser was from. So she made it and honestly she didn't know how to act around me. Things were different now, I was taking insulin injections and this was my new normal now. Anyways Masi was hovering over me and freaking out about my injections and my masser a man of very few words like I said. Turned around and just told her to stop. To stop hovering and freaking out because he sensed that I was uncomfortable. Like I said a man of few words but was a straighter talker when he had to say something! He literally told her the straight truth that nor was I dying or nor am I dead. That I was there, surviving and taking the medication that I needed for survival. Stop with all the faff you making her feel uncomfortable. And in that moment he felt more what I needed more than I did. He could sense how overwhelmed I was & knew I wouldn’t say it out of fear of offending everyone but he didn’t care to offend anyone as he knew that’s what I needed.
He didn’t ever complain when we would go and and just stay for nights at his house even when my cousins wouldn’t be there. As time went on he started to come out less and we started to go around less especially after my Massi passed away. But he knew we were always there for him and vice versa. In moments like these actions have defiantly spoken louder then words.
We may not of been continuously seeing each other or even speaking to each other but in the end when he needed us the most. When my cousin brother need us the most we were there for them. Showing up at the hospital, going past the house, calling and messaging. And truly that is honestly what matters the most. It sometimes isn't how much you say but how much you do!
Masser was a man who loved his country, loved his family and loved his cooking. He loved his old Bollywood songs that we would be played endlessly throughout the house. He use to collect records and without fail there would be music flowing throughout there house. That is my memories of him and the house growing up.
Grief is horrible, sadness is horrible but just like happiness its an emotion that also has to be endured.
Masser I may never said much when you were around but we will miss you! We will miss your stories about Malaysia, we will miss your love for old classics Hindi songs and we will defiantly miss your cooking!!
You three are up there now together and you've left behind the biggest part of your heart our dear brother and wonderful sister in law with us. We will care for them, love and protect them until you need them! Love knows no bounds when it comes to family!
